Eye Exam? why I should get my head examined instead!

So for those who don't know, I do wear contacts. And no, not colored contacts, these eyes are totally mine. I've been asked many times in my youth where to buy this color contact. Lol. Weirdos.
I've take off my contacts tonight cause I haven't let them breath in a while. Months really. Simply because I'm really almost blind as a bat. And I don't like that feeling of not being able to see. It comes from my mother's side. They all have really bad eyes. But my dad, why couldn't I get his side? He just started wearing glasses, and he's 57ish. No fair at all. But I can only see things clearly 5in in front of my face. That's it. and it sucks.
You would think I would have a pair of glasses too, right? Well I never got a pair this last time. Mostly because I hate glasses. They use to give me headaches a lot when I was younger. Plus my mom always bought these ugly ass giant insect glasses until one day a tech finally told her that I needed a smaller frame so that the lenses didn't look like coke bottles. I could've hugged that woman forever. I can't ever remember being teased a lot for having glasses, but people general ignored me anyways since I wasn't popular.
But now I need to get another eye exam. And of course our insurance really sucks. It's just a discount insurance that came free with our dental insurance. And I've only been asking for a couple months to find out about it, but you know, hubby takes forever. So I have to wait til after taxes to get all that done. Cause eye exams aren't cheap. And neither are contacts. And maybe next year the insurance will be better.
I would totally like to get laser surgery, but looking at the general info, I'm not a good candidate since I have the hand pain and take meds daily. Plus it's just too expensive. Maybe one day, but who knows what the future of medical science holds.

what shall October bring?

It's been a hard month for us. Things just keep going wrong. Things keep changing. We are still in the grieving process too. It will never go away. Chuck's job keeps screwing him over. The electric bill is still high. I need to get to the doctor for my 6 month check up but can't afford it. It's tough.
Even MJ is changing. She is starting to play be herself a little more in the afternoon. The good thing is she is starting to use real words more. But I still have to be in the same room. Or she'll come looking for me and pull me back. Plus she gives up her nap twice weekly. And we've been binkie free for almost 3 weeks now. It's amazing and freeing, but finding new ways to calm her down when she is having a tantrum is a little trying. We get thru.
And now it's almost October. There are already a million things on my schedule. 3 birthdays. Our Anniversary. Halloween. A couple get togethers. And trying again to teach MJ potty training. She didn't get it this month. It's still confusing, you can see it in her eyes. She's only 2. But I don't want her to feel pressured either. Because she baulks. And then there is no way it's happening again for a few weeks.
I'm just hoping that October goes better. I can only hope. I want one year that goes right. I'm tired of crying all the time. I'm tired of hurting. And I'm tired of struggling. I just want us all to be happy and healthy.

one day at a time

So recently my husband has been in this *need to buy our house, need house now* kick. I get it. Owning a home is amazing. But it's just so darn confusing. So many different aspects go into buying a house that makes it a scary process. I've read so much, but some of these things I just don't understand. But I do want a home that is mine. To do with as I please. Without someone telling me no. Without having to ask someone else to get something fixed. Without feeling like they blame you for something breaking when you have nothing to do with it.
But we just have to take it slow, work with what we got. Plus we have the holidays all lined up. How much stress is added? Can I put up decorations without worrying that I'm going to take them down any day. Or what's the point of packing before we know if anything really is going to happen? Or are we going to get suckered into staying somewhere we don't want to for another year?
I try not to think about all these crazy things and just keep going. Just day in and day out. What else can I do? If I worry and stress, it won't do anything. I know I will do it anyways regardless. Because that is how I am. And because he doesn't. He always acts like nothing bothers him. Which can be nice, but also not nice because he has this *I don't care, not my problem* kind of attitude as well, which drives me crazy. Cause then I have to *nag* him, remind him daily to do certain things that he needs to do on his own. Should do without a damn reminder. Irresponsible and irritating. Men.