And one more thing....

Well, I usually try not to do this, but fuck it. I'm writing out of anger. It will feel good for me. But I'm so tired of people treating me like shit. I'm not sure what it is, but some how I always end up being treated so poorly that I cry all the time. How did I end up like this? Exactly what am I doing that makes people do this to me?
I go out of my way to help people. It is never money or drugs or clothes, etc, but I do give advice when asked, make a meal, car rides, lend books and movies, general help, things like that. I go out of my way to do some of those too! I'm always here to listen.
But yet the minute I turn around and need some of those things, there is no one available. Once in a while I'll get the help I need. So I thought I was asking for help too much. People say no. I wish people were truthful, because it seems like the answer is yes.
Chuck and I have been grieving all week. And with the travel, we have been really tired. But I was told today that I was being a bitch and that my "pity party was old." Seriously? We just said our final goodbye to Chuck's father, but I should be done grieving already and focus on you? I have no clue how I was even being a bitch!!! They asked how I was, I said I was tired and sad, but doing OK, but I'm supposed to get over it because they've had insomnia for days. And I also ruined their entire day because they came to see us. I didn't make the do that. They chose to come. The only thing I said was me asking if they were coming over to see us, because earlier in the week they said they would be here. And they didn't cancel. Or say anything until I contacted them today. But I'm the bitch. I hurt their feelings.
You know, I asked how they were doing. Asked about their work. There was a group of us all talking together and no one else thought I was being mean at all. But they did. I have no clue what I said wrong besides saying I'm tired. You know what, I have insomnia too. I don't fall asleep easy at night. Hell, I haven't fallen asleep now because we have to leave in an hour anyways. It's hard to fall asleep when your hands start to hurt more and more until I either pass out or take more meds or just get up. I get it. But you, all you do is get up early for a job you hate. That I have listened to countless hours or you complain about. For the whole month you have been there. Listened and given you advice that you asked for on many things this year alone. But I'm the bitch for not caring.
But you know what, they aren't the only people who treat me like this. Other people in my life do. So is it really all me? Am I just a bad person, do I treat people like this to be treated exactly the same? I have no clue anymore. I can't see passed the things I need to in able to figure it out. Nor do I know how to change it.