My husband's dad passed away in the hospital this morning. We are all shocked. I know he was in the hospital for a blood clot in his leg, complications from a drug for his cancer. But they were making him better, and he was supposed to be out and on his feet again soon. They wanted to do the surgery for the small tumor that had reappeared as well while he was still at the hospital.
Now comes the wait for the autopsy. They believe a clot traveled to his heart. By the time his mother arrived at the hospital, he was gone. There was nothing else they could do.
I know he has been living with this cancer for over a year. We knew it was terminal, and that most people go fairly quick. There are plenty of people that have made it 5, 10, 15 years with it. He was strong, a fighter, he wanted to watch MJ grow. We thought we had more time.
He was a military man, hard, strange, demanding. Of course we butt heads because I can't stand people like that. He had a way of talking thay made you feel stupid. But he loved his family. He care for his wife during her hip replacement. Had no problem going to the grocery store, even if he did bring home the wrong ingredients. Took us all to dinner. Gave us money for our wedding when they knew my parents were giving nothing. And the way he shined over MJ, was just amazing. He wanted to come with us to the airport when we left a couple months ago on visit, just to say good once more, but the car was packed, it didn't seat 4 adults and one car seat. That was the last time I spoke with him. Chuck has talked with him over the phone and thru email since then. I have talked to his mother thou.
Now he is gone. I don't know how to feel. It's hard knowing that he doesn't get to watch MJ grow. Now all I have are pictures to show her, but no person there. You can hug a picture, or have conversations with them. Can't send MJ to the grandparents for summer, now it's just grandma's house. How do you explain to a toddler who doesn't even understand emotions yet? How do you explain what happened, what do you say when she asks? Am I wrong for not wanting to ever deal with it?
I lost my grandmother to cancer when I was 10. I have such wonderful memories of her. And a couple not so good. It wasn't explained much to me until I was older, just got the general grandma passed away, it was cancer, leave your mother alone. All I knew is that she was gone and we were never seeing her again. It's been 20 years now, and it doesn't hurt anymore. What hurts is all the missed holidays that she used to do, gathering the family at the dinner table. Watching this family grow together, but grew apart since then. My mom tried, grandpa tried, but the family just didn't want to after a while. I don't know my cousin very well at all. None of them were at my wedding.
I know deep down that he is no longer suffering. Back and forth trips to the hospitals and doctors, the medications, the side effects, all gone now. But we would still rather have him. That all means nothing compared to having the person alive.
I don't know what else to say right now. It just hurts.
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