I feel like a failure today. I really do try so hard to make everything work together, have the bills paid and food on our table, but it's not working. And it is all my fault.
My husband is good. He tries really hard to bring home the bacon, but it isn't enough. I used to work. Until I started going down hill with this pain. And then I got pregnant and couldn't take the medicine that helps my pain. And there went my job, my career. And the money that would've kept us afloat with very little to worry about.
So yes, I blame myself. On a weekly basis. I can't help it. My husband doesn't, but I have no clue how he really feels about any of this because he never talks about it. Just says OK and changes the subject. He never worries. It makes me think that he thinks money just appears out of no where sometimes.
But then now that I can take the medicine again, I don't get to take it like I should because I can't afford to. Medicine is expensive. Especially when you don't have insurance. Obama care is affordable my ass!!! Only if the 3 of us lived in a one bedroom apartment in a bad neighborhood. So yeah, I am paying a lot in rent to not live in a bad area, but that means I can't afford some of the other stuff that we should have. But I should be able to if I were working. But I can't work, and honestly I don't know if I ever will be able to work again. And that scares me.
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